Made of Gray


Holly D Gray4 Comments
I swear Caleigh has set out to age me quickly. At least 20 yrs have been knocked off my life since her birth. She used up all of her worry points very early on. Although she smiles when I mention this; she still aims to panic me daily. My head is full of grey hair and I can point out which ones are from Caleigh and which ones are from Eric.....

Today, Caleigh decided to scare me to death once again. Eric had the day off from work and he was on his way to Corsicana for a firefighter's funeral. Caleigh had been coughing and sickie yesterday and last night. I expected to spend the day holding and comforting our little darling all day. She was very fussy. So I was bouncing Caleigh upside down with her draped across my legs, belly hanging between them. This is her absolute favorite position in the whole wide world. I think it makes her tummy feel better to hang. Ok, so back to the bouncing..... I noticed that Caleigh was getting very relaxed...maybe a little too relaxed. Then I started watching her breathing. It was very shallow. VERY Shallow! I quickly picked her up off my legs and the first thing I saw was BLUE. Our baby girl was once again blue. Her eyes rolled back in her head as I was bringing her up. Caleigh's whole body was limp. I started doing a sternum rub and yelling at her. She was still breathing, but barely. I gave her two quick breathes in her mouth. I didn't even lay her down, so I'm not sure what good it did. As soon as I did that and continued to rub her chest; Caleigh's color began to look better. I had a quick thought about NOT having oxygen here at home with us. When she started coming to a little bit more, I picked up the phone and called 911. I started talking to the dispatcher, telling her what was going on. I was tapping Caleigh's back and I eventually told the lady to cancel the firetruck and ambulance because she was fine by then. She told me some story about her son being a preemie. It was a nice story and I know she was trying to help, but I wasn't in the mood. I hung up the phone after telling her thank you. I immediately called Eric. He had just arrived in Corsicana. I told him to stay and go to the funeral, that Caleigh was ok. So I got on the phone with our pulmonologist. It took me an hour to get his nurse on the phone....he wasn't in the office. I wanted breathing treatments ordered, but she wasn't going to order anything without talking to him first. He isn't in until tomorrow morning. So I will be waiting for that phone call. I gave up on them and called our pediatrician. Since we had just been there yesterday they told me to give Caleigh some benadryl to help dry up her drainage.
After going through the events over and over in my head, I have decided that the pressure from her chest laying & pushing on my leg, mixed with her sinus drainage caused the apnea episode. I thought we were done with this. Seriously? We gave back all the oxygen! I had nothing. I felt completely unprepared and helpless. I wasn't wearing a bra, the house was a wreck.......I was a wreck. I wasn't ready for something terrible, but I guess no one really is. How could this have happened again! Not long after, Caleigh started smiling and babbling like she always does. Funny to her......definitely not funny to her grey haired mommy! I didn't let Caleigh out of my site all day long. We didn't 'do' Caleigh's favorite position anymore and I am thankful that we have the apnea monitor for her to wear at night. I keep checking on her and I'm pretty sure we won't sleep great tonight. Obviously, Caleigh has something going on sick wise. I really wish she would show us in a different way! The benadryl seemed to help with her coughing. We are going to continue that and the antibiotic and see what happens. I just can't get over how lucky we are. There have been so many 'What If' times in Caleigh's life. What if I wasn't paying attention? What if she was asleep in her crib? What if I didn't get to her in time? God watches over us during those 'what if' moments.

This little incident made me officially start the Gray Family RSV/Flu Season Quarantine & Hibernation 2008. Why you ask? Because today Caleigh shaved another 5 good years off my life and I'm not sure I can take anymore. Plus, calling 911 twice in one year is plenty. Sorry to those of you hoping to visit before the cut off, which was the beginning of October anyways. We'll be free to visit again around the end of April 2009!

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