Made of Gray

Your 10 month old: Week 2

Holly D Gray6 Comments
This week I have been feeling a bit down and out of touch. It all started with an email. You know the type, you might have even signed up for them with your pregnancy or child. The "your baby is this old ____ & this is what he/she is supposed to be doing ____." I had signed up for one during pregnancy and it was delightful to see what was developing week by week. It was great for excuses too. "Oh sorry, I'm tired....the baby is developing earlobes today.....maybe tomorrow?"As soon as Caleigh was born so early, I quickly started erasing them before I could even read the first line. It wasn't fair that my baby wasn't in my womb anymore and I definitely didn't won't to read about what she 'should' be doing. Somewhere along the way I signed up for another one and I entered in Caleigh's original due date which was Nov. 1 2007. This would give us something to judge her adjusted or corrected development by. For a long time Caleigh was right on target, even a little ahead at one point. I again enjoyed reading these brief informative emails. Gradually she started to fall behind. The reality of Caleigh's brain injury and bowel issues holding her back became apparent. Plus, the 6.5 months in the NICU didn't make things easier to swallow. I slowly started deleting the emails. At first I would read them, think about what Caleigh was doing and then delete. For the past 4 months I just erase before reading them. Somehow if it isn't sitting in front of me in isn't true.

So early this week I got one of 'those' emails. I could have sworn that I made it junk mail, but somehow it got through. For some reason I stopped to read it. Maybe it was the cute photograph of a baby or maybe just curiosity again. This is what I read:

Your 10-month-old: Week 2

How your baby's growing: At this age, your baby can sit confidently and may even walk while holding onto furniture, possibly letting go momentarily and standing without support. She'll take steps when held in a walking position and may attempt to scoop up a toy while she's standing, too. Those magical first steps toward independence β€” and lots more exercise for you! β€” are just around the corner, if they haven't arrived already. Most babies take their first steps sometime around 12 months, but some start much earlier. If yours isn't walking yet, don't worry β€” it's still early. Some babies wait until they're 18 months old to make that move.

I love the "don't worry - it's still early" line. The whole update made me sad. Sad, upset, angry and down. I officially went in and deleted my account. No more updates. No more expectations. No more accidental readings. No more them. Just Caleigh. Caleigh's pace, nothing more. I'm feeling a little bit better tonight. Still, dealing with the reality of our lives now is hard sometimes. Every now and then we hit these hidden bumps in the road. They come up unexpectedly but we can push them away just as easy. No more expectations.


Caleigh has been doing ok. We've had a bit of a set back with her stools. Really hard this past weekend to nothing but liquid now. Can't seem to have a happy medium. We started Xifaxin for bacterial overgrowth and it seems to be helping but we have only been doing that for 2 days. Caleigh's feeds are up to 23ml an hour. We are still working on a twice a week increase and so far so good. Today we had our second Feldkrais appointment. It went well and Caleigh seems to be really happy after the session. She works on Eric & I when Caleigh needs a break. An added bonus that felt nice. We also went and tried out another therapy called Network Spinal Care. It's an alternative for Chiropractics. More about that later........We brought Caleigh home and I fed her some carrots, which seems to be her favorite. No fruits or anything sweet. She loves the veggies best. Caleigh takes big bites now, but doesn't want to take too much because she just isn't hungry. Being fed 24 hrs a day doesn't leave a lot of hunger time. She eats what she wants. This is usually a tablespoon or two. We practice daily and she seems to be doing really well with it. Pretty soon she will be eating pizza & steak with the rest of us!
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