Made of Gray

Hibernation is Officially Over!

Holly D Gray8 Comments
We are proud to announce that the quarantine of winter 2008-09 is over. I am so so very excited! To start it off this past weekend we took Caleigh to a beeping Easter egg hunt. I have to admit this was mainly for Eric and I. Caleigh isn't old enough to understand but I think it made for a nice Saturday morning. This egg hunt was for visually impaired children. They laid out large beeping eggs and surrounded them with normal plastic eggs. I could tell the older children were really having fun.
We bought Caleigh a pair of cool sunglasses to help with her sunlight sensitivity and to ward off the 'Oh, she's SO sleepy' comments. She still kept her eyes closed but it helped cut down on the glare.
They had an Easter bunny who was also visually impaired that we could take pictures with. Hmmmm..... I like that the bunny is wearing flip kinda bunny!
As soon as we got out of the car a woman came up to us asking if this was Caleigh?!? Eric's face was priceless. It was too funny! Jocalyn is Kendall's mom and she recognized us from Caleigh's blog. Turns out they live just down the street and we are going to get together soon for a play date. Their family is so sweet and it was great to talk with someone who understands first hand what we go through everyday. Kendall is such a sweet heart. You can read all about her at Kendall's Hope. I must say that the dads weren't too happy about the pictures, but I think they did great! What models they are....hehe.

Later that day we made it over to Stacy's babyshower. There was a lot of people there and I think I handled it well. I wasn't freaking out about germs. I honestly didn't think about it a lot. What I did think about was how different Caleigh is compared to the other children and what struggles we have as a family compared to others. This spring will be the first time that we will be getting out and experiencing life with Caleigh. I have a feeling that my emotions will be up and down with each new road that we cross.

That night I had a good friend's birthday to go to. I was already tired. Socializing all day long was more than I have done in months. It was a friend from college. Single girls hanging out, dinner and dancing was on the menu. I really wanted to do it. I want to do it all, like I used to. After dinner and then some bar hopping I felt like I was going to die. My feet hurt, my body hurt....I was exhausted. Plus, I didn't even have but one drink. Oh, and can we talk about the smokey bars. My head felt like it was going to explode! Granny land here I come! I didn't make it home till 3am. I felt guilty and like a bad mom. Eric was amazing. He took care of Caleigh while I was out and the next morning. Did I mention I feel guilty? Later that morning I had a total melt down. I have been hanging on by a thread for weeks. The whole feeding thing, therapy thing, retching, diapers, and I'm leaving in two weeks for The Institutes lecture. I lost it. Crying, boohooing, sobbing. I haven't slept through the night in 20 months. What was I thinking? My night out caused my exhaustion level to be sky high. It threw me off the cliff. I wish I had ended the night with dinner....maybe I would have made it a few more weeks. Although, I do feel better after the good cry.... I hate that I did it. I was throwing out the 'it's not fair' and 'why our daughter' routine. Ugh. I love my friends, I love my life before we had Caleigh, I love my life since having Caleigh, but I really don't know how to mix the two. I think this is all apart of growing old. We change, people change and sometimes that just sucks. How do you reinvent yourself gracefully while keeping those you love in your life?
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